Johnny Depp 

Avast!

Well, today was restful. Slept most of the day - still feel run down with sinus infection. Then I had the fun job of cleaning the house. K was coming over and the house needed to look at lot less grotty.

Most of it was routine - vacuum enough hair of the couch to make a spare cat, dust the TV (how does it get so filthy, it's one of the most frequently used appliances in my house) and remove several pairs of shoes, items of clothing and junk mail from the lounge.

Then came the annoying bit (well, more annoying bit). Last week I spilled make up in the sink, I missed a bit when cleaning it up and it left a beige streak. I decided to get it off today. I tried: windex, surface spray, bathroom cleaner and BLEACH with no result. Nothing worked. Stupid sink looked crap while everything else was nice and clean. Then I had a brainwave (that's my one for the year). I could try the make up wipes I use on my face. Would you believe after one wipe across, the mark VANISHED. I used bleach on this stain and it made no difference, but something that's meant to be gentle enough to use on my FACE worked instantly. I am kinda dubious about putting one of those babies near my eye again, but hey, I could use them to clean the shower!

After that was all done, K arrived and we went out to get dinner. We had a great evening, bludging in front of the heater, keeping the cats at bay while we were eating and mixing our 'Ultimate 90's CD'. Some TRAGIC songs made it on there. Cherry Pie, Get Down on It and even Step by Step. In our defense, it's not so much the songs or the artists (we swear to god) that we were keen on. Largely the memories they stir up. K&K and I hanging at the Roller Rink, sneaking the odd ciggie/drink and daydreaming over boys. Good times.

While mixing our CD we treated ourselves to a DROOL FEST by putting on Pirates of the Caribbean (but why is the rum gone?). MMMMMMMMMMM Johnny in a pirate suit. Lots of scenes had to be watched more than once. Phwoar.

Now I am settling down for bed. I can here Doof Doof from a neighbours house. Other people get to stay up last 11pm since they aren't retail hacks who have to work on Sunday. Such is life.
So I shall lull myself to sleep to tunes of the 90's and dreams of Captain Jack Sparrow. He can shiver my timbers any time he likes.

Compassion Free Zone

I am coming to the disappointing conclusion that people just don't want you to care. They don't want 'nice' or 'supportive'. They want what they have come to expect from others whether it's sarcasm or indifference.

Maybe they only want what they themselves would be prepared to give, which seems to be nothing. People treat you with suspicion or like a freak if you show you genuinely care and don't want to walk away if they are in a shit mood or feeling down.

Since when does caring for people you consider to be your friends mean you deserve to be treated like a stalker? People aim for the superficial.

Are they (like I am sometimes) scared to open up and make real friends in case they are once again crushed with disappointment and hurt when you get let down or rejected? Is it laziness? Is it uncool to care?

It seems sad. People are setting themselves up for loneliness. There are a lot of assholes out there who will slice through you with gutting remarks or a breathtaking lack of compassion or trustworthiness. Are we now at the point where we have to assume everyone is building is up just to take us apart piece by piece for entertainment?

Is everyone out there motivated by spite, envy and malice? Is it better to just accept that 'people suck' and not put yourself out there to be shot down?

Is hoping for genuine friendship too much to expect anymore?

A to Z

Well even though I am *cough* *cough* sick (which is actually true), I managed to scrape myself out of bed to attend two interviews today.

One of the jobs I want waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than the other, but I'd take either to end my current suffering to be honest.

The one I really want, lets call it 'Z' has already booked me for a second interview next week. That has to be a good sign. The other one 'A' was an end of the day interview so I am waiting to see what happens.

I am dreading going back to work on Friday. I am so over it. After only three months. Hope they don't have my post probation contract waiting - I will have to dodge signing it til I have heard more from these other positions.

I am also dodging paying for uniform! I will be like the wind for the next few days. Intangible, impossible to pin down ;o) Breezing through my department, remaining a moving target, but doing as little as possible. My staff should be able to give me pointers on that one.

So for now I play the waiting game......................... the waiting game sucks... anyone up for Eye Spy?

Daisy

He likes me

He likes me not

He used me

He likes me

He likes me not

He used me

He likes me

He likes me not

He used me

He likes me

He likes me not

He used me

??????

that's more like it

Well, I shouldn't have worried after all. Work sucked again today. It's one of those draining environments where no matter how hard you work or how many hurdles you overcome, it's never enough.
Plus half the people there have personal agendas and try and get ahead at the expense of others which is so not my style.
I have an interview with a recruitment agent tomorrow so who knows what might come up? I am not hoping for too much as no specifics have been discussed. At least it's a step in the right direction. I am doing something positive which makes the day easier to deal with.
The weekend ahead looks average - middling. I am working both days which is a sure way to spoil the long weekend everyone else is hanging out for.
Still no call from Mr Inconsiderate. I might catch up with some friends in the evenings. I feel there are some people I haven't seen for far too long.
Anyway, as usual I am bleating about trivial crap while people close to me deal with real problems.
My heart goes out to the 'H' family. I hope all goes well. You guys are an inspiration in the way you deal with things in a calm, positive and supportive way.
Anyway.. sleepy time for Mel. Bright and Bubbly Mel is required for tomorrow morning.. I know I left her around here some place...

hi ho

just when you are happy hating work and cursing your boss things get better. Every time my dissatisfaction rises enough for me to feel justified in searching for alternate employment something relatively good happens to ignite guilt or indecision.
My boss is notorious for being an insensitive prick. In the last three weeks I have fallen prey to this side of him on many occasions. I do not buckle easily. I am not a crier and don't get intimidated the way other staff seem to.
His behaviour has pissed me off and I have let it show in the most respectful way I could manage.
Here comes the weird part. Over the past month I have received two sms's and one email of an almost apologetic nature. Acknowledging my hard work and potential. This is not his style.
I don't know how I provoked it. Staff that are privy to it are shocked.
It kind of makes me want to stay as I think I am earning respect that could see me rise to great heights.
On the other hand I am less than impressed so far by my duties, pay and several company policies. I know all of this could change with a minimal step up in my role, longevity within the company and proposed changes in the new financial year.
Do I wait and see? Do I take the bad with the good and hope for better? I am looking around at other opportunities. Nothing spectacular has presented itself so far. If it does - what then?
Events of the past two or so years have led me to think I should take happiness/success where and when I find it. Not hold out with crossed fingers to see if it comes my way.
Do I feel loyalty to my current role? Should I?
Should I just be loyal to myself? Look after number one for a change?
I am a fan of the 'better the devil you know' approach to employers. All this really does is minimize the risk of ending up with something worse.
Is being scared of a deeper degree of unhappiness stupid? If I am unhappy, I should move on. Maybe.
Having a mortgage and other financial responsibilities makes job hopping impractical. Still, I feel I can take more risks for the next few years while I am still young than after turning the big 3 0.
Maybe it would pay off to take some risks. Maybe I could achieve happiness. Fluid and intangible concept that it is.
I feel unsettled now. Waiting for something to happen. Maybe I should make something happen rather than attempt to brace myself for it???

do you?

I think of you
Do you think of me?

I wonder what you are doing
Are you at work?
Vegging on the couch at home?
Laughing, crying or spaced out in front of the tv?

Do you ever picture me?
Driving in my car?
Brushing my hair?
Curled up in bed asleep?

Or do I cease to exist
When I walk outside your door?

Stupid Boys

Do boys get together and decide to all piss you off at the same time? Or does it just come naturally?

They say girls mature faster than boys. That's no excuse for guys in their mid twenties (or older) to behave like teenagers. Pettiness, showmanship, insensitivity, macho bullshit, broken promises and infuriating conversations. Will they ever grow out of it? I can see some of the appeal of lesbianism (that's the other thing - why do they love to watch two chicks?) sometimes.

Is it too much to ask to have an adult conversation where things that are promised are actually carried out? Where they don't just tell you what you want to hear when the want a) sex b) something done for them or c) peace.

Speaking of behaving like you are a teenager, that highschool saying is looking more and more accurate everyday. 'Men are like toilets. Either occupied or full of shit'.

I hope it's not true. Any guy who feels they do not fall into this category please leave a comment. Especially if you have any insight into how to interpret the primitive behavior so often exhibited by members of your species.

To the rest of you sorry lot - one day I will write a cheat sheet of unacceptable behaviour I have encountered and what to do if you EVER want to have a functional friendship/relationship with a girl but right now I don't have a spare 5 hours or the patience.

One quick tip. Remember - girls have feelings beyond 'lets get pissed', 'I am angry coz my team lost' and 'lets make myself feel good by showing off in front of my mates'. Try and respect that...

My Green ATM Card

A group of us were leaving my house to go to the fish and chip shop on Good Friday - that's as close to observing the religious reasoning for a Day OFF Work that we came - when my friend said 'Hey Mel, don't forget your ATM card'.
I spun gratefully on my heel and went back for it and noticed R was waving my Medicare card at me with a cheeky smirk on her face.
oh ha ha bi-atch' was my response. Of course, then K&K had to know why it was funny. The fact that I had embarrassed myself publicly was a given. Only the specifics were required. So, to save R time.. Once again for the cheap seats in the back......
R and I had gone grocery shopping a few nights before. I decided to be smart and not take my purse. Just my cards. Travel light, shop fast.
I got to the front of the expresslane - pushing the boundaries of the '12 item' rule (doesn't 3 of one item really only count as one item?) - when I realised I had forgotten to remember the milk. Not good. I wanted my milk to mix with my alcohol dammit. Mmmm Kahluha.
R went back to grab it while I dragged out the scanning of my purchases so the line could not progress. I know, I hate me too.
I was down to my last item so I handed the cashier my card while craning my neck - hoping to see R come sprinting out of an aisle with the Rev.
There was a moment of silence. I turned around to see the cashier looking in confusion at my card, then in mild frustration/mirth at me. I think you gave me the wrong card. Shit! My Medicare card. Shit! No purse. Shit! Queue of increasingly antsy people behind me.
Just as I was about to dive into the cracks in the floor to hide my embarrassment, R materialised with the Rev and a credit card. Bless her Richmond Supporting Soul.
She paid, we left, I glowed all the way to the car.
So there you go. Clap Clap for the handicap. Now I check my cards like 5 times before I enter the shop so it cant happen again. Well, not for a while anyway.

Because I Can!!!

1234567890

You have no idea how good that felt. I have my brand-spanking-new laptop with WORKING NUMBER KEYS. Hello numbers, hello punctuation. Goodbye character map, goodbye copying and pasting passwords.

I bought it today and should be copying all the stuff from the old one over but of course I got distracted playing with the new one. And chatting. Hello people on msn!

This is a pretty major purchase for me so I have a new toy to occupy my weekend. I will FINALLY put more songs on my ipod. Going into the other room to use the desktop was just too much to ask. Plus I couldn't have the ipod and the internet working at the same time so EVERY song came up as 'track one, track two' etc. NOT VERY HANDY.

So there are some of the justifications for splurging. It will make me use other items I splurged on. Work that one out hey.

Also this weekend I should be catching up with friends and family, cleaning my house, washing my car and seeing a movie. Saturday night is wide open right now. Who knows what this crazy world could deliver.

Well I have more font changing and downloading to do. And number pressing 1234567890. I'll get over the novelty of that soon. Maybe.