hi ho

just when you are happy hating work and cursing your boss things get better. Every time my dissatisfaction rises enough for me to feel justified in searching for alternate employment something relatively good happens to ignite guilt or indecision.
My boss is notorious for being an insensitive prick. In the last three weeks I have fallen prey to this side of him on many occasions. I do not buckle easily. I am not a crier and don't get intimidated the way other staff seem to.
His behaviour has pissed me off and I have let it show in the most respectful way I could manage.
Here comes the weird part. Over the past month I have received two sms's and one email of an almost apologetic nature. Acknowledging my hard work and potential. This is not his style.
I don't know how I provoked it. Staff that are privy to it are shocked.
It kind of makes me want to stay as I think I am earning respect that could see me rise to great heights.
On the other hand I am less than impressed so far by my duties, pay and several company policies. I know all of this could change with a minimal step up in my role, longevity within the company and proposed changes in the new financial year.
Do I wait and see? Do I take the bad with the good and hope for better? I am looking around at other opportunities. Nothing spectacular has presented itself so far. If it does - what then?
Events of the past two or so years have led me to think I should take happiness/success where and when I find it. Not hold out with crossed fingers to see if it comes my way.
Do I feel loyalty to my current role? Should I?
Should I just be loyal to myself? Look after number one for a change?
I am a fan of the 'better the devil you know' approach to employers. All this really does is minimize the risk of ending up with something worse.
Is being scared of a deeper degree of unhappiness stupid? If I am unhappy, I should move on. Maybe.
Having a mortgage and other financial responsibilities makes job hopping impractical. Still, I feel I can take more risks for the next few years while I am still young than after turning the big 3 0.
Maybe it would pay off to take some risks. Maybe I could achieve happiness. Fluid and intangible concept that it is.
I feel unsettled now. Waiting for something to happen. Maybe I should make something happen rather than attempt to brace myself for it???