8 months later.....

Well, it has been a long time since I wrote anything on here. Life has been ticking along nicely. Nothing major has happened but things are good overall.

So, update on the trilogy:

• Work: work is going well! Gee I haven't felt that way about a job for a while. I passed probation (6 long months), got my payrise and am settled in and enjoying it the vast majority of the time. The payrise is almost enough for the repayments on my debt consolidation. Its nice to watch the debt reducing for a change though!

• Home: I am renting at the moment. A three bedroom house with a huge yard for the dogs. Living on my own again which is 90% great and 10% lonely. Ideally I want to move closer to my work - the hour each way is a lot to add to a day at work but aside from that I am quite happy where I am.

• Love: not much to talk about really. Not even real sure what I am after. Taking it easy and seeing what comes along. Still looking without being sure what I am looking for!

Aside from that I am recovering from sinus surgery (ouch!) which I am hoping will mean I breathe and sleep better, get sick less and be able to excersize more.

One of my New Years resolutions was to cut some dead wood out of my life. I find it hard to get rid of people who are not good for me but I am working on it.On the flipside I am counting my blessings for the close friends I do have. They certainly make the hurt caused by the others far easier to ignore.

It has been ridiculously hot for a few days (almost 40 degrees) so lots of lounging around watching Scrubs and talking online.

Will write more soon. Before 8 months this time!

The naughtiness is part of his charm...no, really

Oh no he didn't. Oh yes, he did. This sweet little 'picture of innocence' busted out of the garden last week and got INSIDE my neighbour's house.
She leaves a door open for the cat (don't ask) and Lister knows this. He tunneled out of my garden, ducked through her broken fence and trotted inside her house.
Once inside he consumed the following: One large packet of jellybeans, one packed of gourmet Italian style biscuits and a stack of dry cat food. He also brought back a plastic container full of museli bars but was unable to open it. It was sitting in the middle of the backyard. Evidence!
When I got home, the evil (but lovable) one himself was sitting on the back step, leaning against the door with his eyes half closed and his belly bloated and round looking.
Sympathy for his nausea was in short supply.
It wouldn't be AS bad if this was the first time. He has trespassed before. He made it all the way into the neighbour's bedroom where she awoke to a disturbingly loud snuffling sound. Lister's leering countenance was not what she expected (or desired) to see at the end of her bed. She got kisses that smelled suspiciously like the food she left out for the cat.
I'm still smirking as I type this. I KNOW it's bad. I KNOW I shouldn't find it funny. Or endearing. He is adorably disobedient and he can't HELP sniffing out trouble. It's what he does. It's pretty much ALL he does.
He is a well intentioned, affectionate, cheeky (ok, naughty) bundle of excitement and happiness. I wouldn't have him any other way.

Freedom, furniture and fiscal fun

Well, as the last few days of freedom ebb away and the starting of a new job looms near I am spending my time sleeping, moving lots of furniture around and finally getting paid from the old job.

I am savouring these last four sleep ins. Have to get back to 'work mode' next week. Will be getting up earlier than for old job too. I used to work around the corner from my house. The new job is more like 45 mins away. Not that I am complaining. It's worth it for mon-fri work. Ahhh, every weekend off. Can't wait.

Am dividing the house in half as will be sharing it soon. Moved my huge sofas and an enormous desk today. That is the worst part over. Now it's mainly the entertainment unit and a single bed. Have already booked to see the osteopath on Friday to realign everything I have pulled out of place before I have to go back to work!

I have FINALLY been paid out by the old job and the cheque cleared today. I got to go to the supermarket and buy exciting stuff like kitty litter and washing up sponges - the fun just never stops hey?

Tomorrow holds more furniture moving and maybe an evening expedition to the SHOPS!!!! I bought the hottest pair of pink heels the other day and the girl at the shoe shop said they have more sale stock to go out. No more needs to be said really.

Happy Biiiiiiiirthday dear Bl-og!

Wow. I have been writing this Blog for a year now. 12 months of ranting, sooking, celebrating, confessing and documenting.
The trials and tribulations that shape the life of Mel. Hopefully this year will bring more tribulations and less trials but we have 49 more weeks of posts to find out.
Things seem to be off to a better start. New job. Selling old house. Feeling happier in general.
Every now and then I re-read this blog to ascertain just how much I have humiliated myself on here. Not too much I guess. Although, not many people tune in too often so I can say pretty much whatever I want!
I am proud of myself for never deleting a post. No matter how my feelings may have changed or how petty something has looked days later, nothing has been edited out.
Some things never change. It's 3am and I am awake. I must get up by about 10am to get ready for my appointment.
Hmmm something just fell of the bed and crashed on the floor. Sounded breakey. Better check it out. It was probably just my dignity. Or sanity. Nothing too important then!
In time honoured tradition, I am bringing this incoherent stream of babble to a close without ever reaching a point.
Happy Birthday, Blog!

A step in the right direction

Finally, a few good days to restore a little harmony and stability to my life!

My brother arrived back in Melbourne yesterday. He has wonderful stories and photos and it is so good to see him and have him back. After two days I still feel like it's only temporary having him here even though he doesn't plan to go away again yet. It's awesome having him just down the road.

I had my medical this morning which went ok. My hearing and vision and everything else were normal. Then I did some shopping as I need to get birthday presents for K&K. After that I went out with L (my brother) to get a new mobile phone as his is trashed and to run some errands.

This afternoon I got a call to say I GOT THE JOB!!! I start on 6th of Feb so have to decide if I am going back to work to do the week's work I owe them in notice or call in sick and be broke but have some extra time of. Decisions, decisions. Hopefully getting this new position which is MON-FRI and within a government call centre will mean I have a fresh start and more manageable workload and that I can have a bit more of a life for the first time since I moved out of home 9 years ago.

It hasn't really hit me yet. I am also waiting to find out if the offer on the house is progressing. It
could be a very productive month!

Please, Mr Sandman

Once again, sleep is eluding me. I feel tired. My head hurts. I feel like I desperately need sleep, it just wont come.

My insides are still in knots from stress. There has been an offer on my house. It's under contract but I wont know if the buyers finance will come through for another two weeks. The money I may get is less than what I was hoping for, but enough to cover my debts and give me a fresh start. That will have to be good enough. It is too expensive and tiring to continue pursuing anything else.

I should be able to speak to the employment agent about the job I interviewed for in the morning. They have checked my references and want to book me in for a medical which seems like a good sign. The medical is a bit of a worry. Hopefully I make it through.

I am seeing my normal doctor tomorrow so will be able to talk to him about not being able to sleep and what has been going on at work. On Tuesday my brother returns from his six months overseas. I can't wait to see him and hear all about what he has been up to. I have missed him. He is one person who keeps me positive and thinks highly of me, reminds me that there are people that do.

My friends took me out for a wonderful birthday dinner which cheered me up lots. They have so much on their plate at the moment that it is amazing they find time for me. I sincerely wish there was more I could do to help them. It's been a tough couple of years for us all. It is comforting to know that whatever life throws at us, we will deal with it together. It makes things seem less daunting.

Hopefully things will be getting sorted out in the next few weeks. I should know if I am successful with the job application by the end of this week. Then I can quit my current job and serve out my notice, if necessary. A week after that I should know if the sale of the house is going through. That means February will hopefully hold a new job and settlement of the house sale - by the start of March I would be debt free.

I am trying to focus on these things. To hold out and see if things are going to be resolved. The constant low level stress inside is bothering me but I know it will recede once things are organised in my life.

For now I will take it one day at a time. Monday means going to doctor, contacting job agent to book medical and stalling for more leave from my current job. It would be nice to do those things with at least a few hours sleep behind me. Please, Mr Sandman!

Tunnel Vision

I am going for a job interview today. It may rescue me from my current, suffocating situation. I don't feel I can return to my current job without knowing for sure that I have something concrete to leave it for a week or two later.

I am on 'sick' leave for stress. My boss hasn't called or sms'd once to see how I am going or what can be done to facilitate my return to work. This is all the evidence I need to prove that they will never take my complaints seriously or do anything to support me long term.

I can't sleep. As usual. Since I began this leave I have been unable to sleep at night, regardless of taking different types of tablets. Now I don't bother. Why put tablets in my system that I know aren't going to help me? I am sick of laying, wide awake and watching the hours drag by though. Night time has always been my most vulnerable time for worry. I am being revisited by my nightmares too. Freakishly realistic to the point where a couple of times, later in the day, I am not sure if conversations with people took place in reality or my tortured minutes of sleep.

I think I am feeling too unsettled. I have always had a problem with instability - not knowing what is going to happen. Not having an answer, a concrete plan. My bills are mounting up while I am not getting paid. Fueled of course with my house not selling, this is yet another source of stress.

I feel this interview, is my chance to take control again before things slip beyond reach. To prove to myself I am better than the state I am in now. That things have changed. I don't want all the hard work I have done over the past few years to be a waste of time. I have pushed myself so far from where I was. Slipping back to that would be unbearable. A defeat I cannot accept.

The interview is going to be over three hours. It will incorporate group, one on one and role play scenarios as well as typing/verbal/arithmetic tests. I am so nervous. I can barely breathe at the thought of sitting there, trapped, all that time. If it pays off, I will have a mon-fri job. Something I have not enjoyed for many years.

I desperately need to sleep for a few hours before I have to get ready. The hours fly by when I have to be up at a certain time. The later it grows, the more stressed about getting some sleep I become and the less sleepy I feel.

Keeping my fingers crossed for a positive experience tomorrow. Hopefully a new beginning. A light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.