Boredom: The desire for desires

Do I feel any better or am I just deciding not to acknowlegde the less appealing thoughts/feelings today?

I am bored. Uninspired. Lonely. I am not alone. Just lonely. Things feel kind of pointless.

I got my new store but I am not motivated. I know I shouldn't let other people bring me down at work but I can't really help it. I see no 'joy' in my workplace for the foreseeable future.

I half jokingly asked a friend to move to Queensland with me. I know she can't for a variety of reasons but it was kind of a fun idea to think about. To just pack it in here, sell up and go see what life brings elsewhere. I know I would miss my family/friends/pets but it wouldn't be forever. It wont happen though. I am too 'tied' here.

The latest bombings are yet another sad indication of what a dangerous place the world is becoming. Where people will murder innocent holiday makers just to make a point. I feel deeply sorry for the people injured, families who lost loved ones and the people of Bali who seem to be the other innocent victim of a terrorist agenda. As if people will take their families there now. The few people who were brave enough to go will surely largely be put off by this latest horror?
Every day that my brother is overseas I stress. Who knows what will happen next or where? No one thinks it will happen to them.

I seem to be attempting to distract myself from the feelings of hopelessness and pointlessness I have been feeling. To push the fear right to the back of my mind and refuse to give it life. Nothing is getting fixed I am just trying to maintain control until I find a goal or direction that may lead to happiness or as one of my online friend advises, to find contentment.

I know I should (ad regulalry do) count my blessings. I have much to be happy about. I feel guilty/stupid admitting to the dissatisfaction I am experiencing.

I need to find something positive to focus on. My goal now is to find a positive goal. G would tell me to stop desiring things I don't have, then I would have contentment. Sounds too much like giving up or settling for less to me, thankfully I am obviously not ready to either of those things just yet..