No Place Like Home

Packing the last few things in my house is depressing the hell out of me. I am feeling down about leaving this place behind.
Leaving the life that I thought I would have when I moved in. Leaving the memories, good and bad. Leaving that comfortable familiarity.
A final admission that things fell apart, that I can't afford to stay and that my new direction in life is so unclear.
I am particular about my home. It's my refuge. My space. I don't like that to be disrupted. I feel uneasy and lost.
Maybe I'll be really happy once I am settled in the new place. Maybe the fresh start will inspire a happiness I haven't felt for years.
Right now I am trying to keep it together. Trying to focus on what needs to be done rather than sit in a corner and sook. As tempting as that is.
My friends say I am strong. I don't feel it now. I am trying not to show how much this is bothering me. There are more important things for the people around me to worry about at the moment.
Maybe retail therapy is the answer. Go buy some stuff for my new place. Shopping can fix everything...