Kid-ding Around

The two baby goats stolen from the Royal Melbourne Show have been turned into a local vet and are in good health.

I know this is kind of an obvious question but WHO STEALS BABY GOATS? Is this a disturbing new progression of shop lifting? Or is it the childish pranks of a 'Kidnapper' in the making?

How the hell did someone manage to get them OUTSIDE the show grounds? Live goats aren't really the type of 'shove up your jumper' booty that teenagers favour when visiting department stores.

What on Earth were these goats rustlers planning to DO with two live goats anyway? Hide them in their closet? Have a mini sacrificial ceremony? Secure a never ending supply of revolting milk?

Not exactly a well thought out heist really. If the neighbours of these thieves are as nosy as mine, it wouldn't have stayed a secret for long. I think most old biddies peaking through their curtains would tend to notice a couple of black goats being 'secreted' into a back yard. You can just hear some gravelly old bag saying to her long suffering alziehmer addled husband 'Pssst Errol, I told you those whippersnappers at number 24 were up to no good. I just saw them take a couple of goats inside. Perverts'.

It doesn't even rate as a 'bitchin adventure' to relay to an awestruck assembly of pimply mates once school goes back. 'Dude, I stole some goats on the holidays'............ 'Errrr, why?'.

Honestly, what is this topsy turvy old world coming to when not even the animals in the petting nursery at the Show are safe from the good old Aussie Five Fingered Discount caper.

I for one will sleep a hell of a lot sounder now that I know the poor critters are safe and well and out of the hands of the type of degenerates that well, steal goats. I hope these fiends are caught and suitably punished. Maybe tied to a farm gate and subjected to death by 'butting'. That'll learn them.