Satan's Urine

So long Sprite, catcha Coke and farewell Fanta. We had some good times but now I see through your sugary, bubbly facade into your heart of darkness.
Your teeth rotting, ass fattening, sugary addictiveness will fool me no longer. I have cast you aside in favour of your little cousin.. Cordial.
Ok, still not ideal but if it can encourage me to drink water, then it's a step in the right direction. Hatred of drinking water is hereditary in my case, even my grandad would say 'water's for tadpoles'.
So, here I am, reduced to drinking 'lemon crush' cordial.. Weak to slowly wean me off 'the hard stuff'. If you find me, a quivering mess on the floor, rocking back and forth saying 'just one sip, please, it's all I need, I've had a hard day man' then give me a good ole slap and remind me: 'Softdrink is the Devil's Urine'.
It makes you FAT. It makes you DEHYDRATED - kinda stupid side affect for a DRINK hey?
So, I will check in and let you know my progress. If you don't hear from me for a while I am probably having a trainspotting moment.. Pinned to the bed, gaping in horror at a little baby, crawling across my ceiling, clutching in it's pudgy little fist the anti Christ of softdrink. My big time weakness. The devil himself, melted down into fizzy evilness, to make me his mistress. CHERRY COKE. Oh God No, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Make it go away. Make it go AWAY.
Anyway, cordial anyone?