The Joys of Retail

What is it about working in retail that makes customers think your life is an open book? That they are allowed to ask you personal questions, make recommendations and comment on things that are none of their business?
I would hardly walk into an office and launch into a critique of how the workers look or take a seat next to them and ask when they are getting married.
We are meant to laugh it off and work around people's rudeness. I mean, it's ok when it's a nice customer who is asking general questions like 'how long have you worked here?' etc. When they start asking about your last break up or questions you about your looks etc it gets a little hard to resist telling them to get their own life.
Tragically I work in a highly ethnic area where the people (especially middle aged women) think nothing of asking why you don't have kids or telling you to go on a diet.
Marriage is a favourite of theirs. They spot my diamond ring (not worn on my wedding finger) and ask what happened. Comment on how horrible it is that I am not engaged now. It would never occur to them that maybe I am happily single. That I might be strong enough to prefer being alone than in a relationship that is not working. My ex could be an axe murderer and they would still think it's sad things didn't work out between us.
It's tempting to lie. To say he died in a freak accident. Tell them he fell into a mincing machine or something. Just for laughs.
Just because they spend their life chained to the kitchen sink, raising the kids and making lunch for their husbands doesn't mean I aspire to the same idea of 'domestic bliss'.
I had a charming lady the other day say 'you have such a beautiful face. You just need to slim down a bit and you would be stunning'. A wonderful backhanded compliment from a leathery old bag who's hair was thinning on top.
Perhaps she would like to come over to my place and offer her opinion on my house, furniture, car and wardrobe.
It doesn't get me down at all. Just amazes me how inappropriate people can be. Stuns me that they can look past their own inadequacies long enough to comment on mine.
It would be interesting to see what would happen if I offered them the same level of personal advice. 'So, what made you team that leopard print top with the blue tracksuit pants?' or 'Wow, how many kids have you had, you have quite a belly there. Must be handy to rest drinks on'.
'Have you ever considered waxing that moustache?'
For now I save those comments for the entertainment of my colleagues after the customer has left. My revenge consists of whispered bitchy remarks, inflated prices and intentionally recommending the ugliest, tackiest shit I can find.